Happy Holidays?

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa,  or if you're simply just living during the holidays, it can be a struggle.

Being freshly eighteen, I grew up and still am growing up with the stress of the holidays. Personally I celebrate Christmas; the buzzle of buying gifts, picking out the perfect tree, decorating the bushes and home, and having to throw out all of my items in order for my mom to have a pristine household even though we spend Christmas Eve and now Christmas Day else where. On top of all of the pressure each individual has around this time there's the eating disorder.

I titled this post "Happy Holidays?" because for those who are battling an eating disorder not only do we have to make sure that our halls are decked and gifts are wrapped, but the pressure of meals, holiday goodies and favorites, finding an outfit that will make us feel comfortable, then the fact of seeing other people. Oh, and if you're like me, you get cold; a lot. If you're cold like me but love snow, you may also have a hard time enjoying the season.

This post features some tips, just like my Coping Skills post, in hopes to help those get through the holiday season with little to no anxiety or set backs. Instead, wanting to prolong the season and spend it with loved ones, comfortably.

Tip #1; Set Goals 

By this  I mean set goals that don't relate to your disorder. Instead of setting goals that enables your behaviors such as restricting, isolating.. Try setting healthy goals. Maybe you're going to a family party and you haven't seen this cousin that you loved growing up with in a really long time, set a goal to talk to them and reconnect.  Maybe you can set goals that give back to the community; donate clothing or toys to a local charity. 

Tip #2; Avoid Overbooking

Sales, shopping, crowded streets... This holiday season try to cut down on some unnecessary events, no this does not mean isolate yourself or have time to work on your behaviors, it simply means people with eating disorders tend to act on their behaviors when under an extreme amount of stress. Spend less time with a busy schedule and more time on working on your recovery; try watching a holiday special!

Tip #3; Talk to a Loved One

Have that one, or multiple, people you can use as support. It maybe a family member or friend. Whoever you're spending the holidays with should know your triggers and how they can support you during these hard times.

Tip #4; Traditions

There's always those triggering traditions; baking cookies, gingerbread house, hot chocolate, egg nog... but there are also other traditions that come with this season; holiday films, music, sleigh rides... try to focus and get your family or friends to come and join you, for you still can enjoy the season without having to worry about little things.

Tip #5; It's Okay

Keep telling yourself this. It's Okay to indulge in the Christmas Cookies or a cup of rich hot chocolate. It's Okay to see your loved ones. It's Okay to feel lazy and watch movies all day. It's Okay to feel uncomfortable. It's Okay to feel scared. But it's this time that we need to focus on what matters; love. It's Okay to challenge yourself. It's Okay to share love - espically, It's Okay to love YOURSELF!

Tip #6;  Mindful

Try to stay mindful. Enjoy the present. Who has time to worry? Especially worry for the future. You write your own future, make it the right one. If you want to enjoy a cookie, then enjoy it, it's the present. Don't look at the cookie and think "I can't eat that, it'll make me gain weight" or "It'll lead to a binge", because personally, I've had these thoughts, but staying mindful, being distracted as I eat, I over come the Cookie Crumble and end up forgetting about the treat within minutes. Guess what else happened? I didn't regret it as much as I thought.

Play games, talk to loved ones, laugh, sing...

Tip #7; Remember What The Holidays Are About

The holidays are about family, loved ones, warmth, joy... Keep that in mind. Don't allow your eating disorder to control your holidays. Enjoy the time that you have with the ones around you. Take the time to smell the sweet aromas of pine and mint. Try to thank yourself for what you are able to do. Thank your loved ones for being with you. Count the smiles, laughs, hugs and kisses instead of calories. The only number that matters here is not what's on the scale, not the number of gifts under the tree, the number of times the dreidel spins, but the number of blessings and grattitude you have.

For those spending the season with a brave hearted battler, please keep these in mind;

#1; Do Not Make Comments About Food 

All discussion about food are off the table, literally, for this. Don't Fork up this holiday and ruin a good time by mentioning what meal you're having, cooking... Especially don't mention what the other person is eating. 

#2 ; Do Not Make Comments On Looks

When seeing family, friends who you haven't seen all year it's common to compliment someone's look. Whether it's a haircut, outfit, body; this is a no-no. Mentioning or highlighting a feature can be very triggering to a patient. For example, "I love your hair", one might think "what's wrong with my hair?" "Why are the noticing that?" "They only love my hair, what's wrong with the rest of me?" Instead try highlighting their personality or traits, like, "I loved that Facebook post the other day. You're really funny!"

#3 ; Do Not Be Overbearing 

The last thing anyone wants is someone to be consgantly over their shoulder watching their every move. If you are concerned about a loved ones health, mood, actions, simply offer support. Ask how they are doing, if they'd like to play a game or look at photos. By being ontop of someone and monitoring them you can make them feel insecure, claustrophobic, overwhelmed {...} which may enable them to use behaviors. The best is to offer support, in a non-judgemental way. Sometimes people need there space, if your loved one is needing space and is trustworthy alone -meaning no behaviors will be used- allow them to take some deep breaths.

#4 ; Do Not Make Their Recovery/Disorder The Focus

It's easy to say that you are proud of what they have achieved so far, it's a hard and difficult process. It's also a process that some may feel uncomfortable about. Personally it took me four months to even tell my best friend why I was in the hospital. She thought I was away for some "blood issues" and then that I had just moved into my grandparents and wouldn't be around.  When making a point of how proud you are, talk to your loved one first. Ask if they are okay with you making a comment or statement to others. Don't just blurt out their recovery or progress.

#5 ; Do Not Mention Numbers, Diets...

I think this is an obvious one. 

#6 ; Keep Up the Positivity! 

Be their own personal cheerleader. It's okay if they are struggling, it's expected. Just hold their hand, try your best to comfort them. You don't even have to say anything, just let them know you're there! 

Happy Kwanzaa!

Merry Christmas!

Happy Hanukkah! 

And A Happy New Year!

Peace, Chaos and Good Vibes!

-Lindsey C

Recover For....

Right now it maybe hard to think about recovery; In fact , it maybe hard to think about anything. Sometimes are heads our filled with so much of everyday stress, people, the future .... Sometimes thinking becomes a struggle. With that said, before venturing further on in this article please allow yourself to relax; grab a cozy blanket, a warm cup of tea, a furry friend. Allow yourself to breath, take in a long deep breath, and exhale slowly. Close your eyes and find yourself releasing all of the stress and negative energy off your shoulders, then return to this article.


Feel better? I hope so because this article is about reasons to recover, which I know can be very hard for some readers. These tips are mainly for those fighting with an eating disorder, as I am myself. But I hope that other recovery warriors {such as alcoholics, shopaholics... }can benefit from one or more of these.

So why recover? Obviously you're thinking about recovering or maybe you're in recovery or know someone who is embarking on this journey; congratulations on taking the first step! I'm not going to lie, Recovery is challenging, not everyone will understand, but here is a list of reasons why you should think about or continue this path.

1. Recover For Your Health

In the winter of 2014, just approaching 2015, I had begun my symptoms of severe Celiac Attacks leading to a Celiac Disease diagnoses on 20 February; With that said I had to cut all gluten {wheat, rye, barley} from my diet. I was already a Pescatarian at this time, and was struggling with getting calories and protein in. On top of that I was a runner. Then I developed my eating disorder, Anorexia. With an already limited diet and running constantly, I began restricting. My life began to spiral downwards and I was tired all of the time. Hair was thinning, acne was spreading, bones began sticking out, heart palpitations, and in my case, always getting sick - not throwing up or self inflicted.  Since I've started my recovery process, after being put into Inpatient this past July, my energy and mood have increased, I can lift weights now! My hairdresser told me I had beautiful, thick hair...

You're health is the number one thing. Without certain vitamins, minerals, proper diet and exercise, our bodies cannot and will not function. Our brains will slump, we will be fatigue. Understand that when you're body is not getting enough nutrition, from all food groups, the brain doesn't run properly. With that said our mood will be lower, our thoughts distorted {an explanation for why some of us with eating disorders struggle with body image}, sleep becomes harder, concentration levels drop.

With proper nutrition and health, daily lives will improve; I promise.


2. Recover For Your Relationships

My relationships with people dropped. In fact my relationship with everything was shattered. I had no interest in seeing my friends, no interest in playing my guitar or spinning records. I lost my twin, lost interest in writing, lost interest of everything besides exercise and cooking my own meals. Losing the sight of everything that I loved, my eating disorder was the only relationship I wanted, and  I wanted to hold onto this relationship as well as let go of it.

Relationships are the key to a healthy lifestyle. Without relationships, who or what do you turn to in times of need? How do you comfort yourself, relate to {there's a reason it's called RELAT(E)ionship} ? Know that there are two kinds of relationships; good and bad. Bad relationships are what we, the recovering group as a whole, tend to have. It's the relationship we maintain that is making our lives worse and taking things to an unhealthy level. That's when good relationships come in. Good relationships are the ones we have with family, friends, animals, music, hobbies ... These relationships help us keep our sanity, be well rounded, forget about our worries, or release our negativity.

Rediscovering or gaining good relationships is a key motivator in the Recovery process. Without healthy relationships we can only be surrounded by the negative ones. Look at this as an inspiration to feel happy and fulfilled, as you may of once been before. Strive for a life filled with loved ones and thriving on hobbies. Re-communicate and find a peaceful relationship with yourself.

3. Recover For The Idiot Mathematician In Your Head

If you suffer from an eating disorder such as Anorexia or Bulimia, numbers are always on your mind. Whether it's the number on the scale, the number of calories you consumed or will consume, the number of calories that you burn or plan to burn ... Let's face it, I'm a good math student, but did I get headaches from the constant counting!

Recover so your mind isn't obsessing over numbers, instead it's obsessing over what movie you're going to watch tonight, where are you going to go this weekend, what stupid animal video can I watch on Youtube - come on, I know we've all done it. There's so much more to life than numbers, the only number you should worry about is your bank account number, because let's face it, without that you're screwed.

4. Recover For The Canada

Hunny, the Niagara Falls belong in Canada not all down your face. Recover so you're not crying yourself to sleep every night, so you're not crying at every meal or the thought of going out to see people. Save those tears for happy events, like when you actually go to the Niagara Falls with those healthy relationship people who have to till the time by the sun because numbers, even the ones on clocks, don't matter to them!

Recover because, crying out of pain and shame just is no fun. Recover because more times than not we're not always going to have an extra change of clothes or a place to change because our clothing is dripping wet. Recover because crying is not an option anymore, what does crying allow us to do? Sit and feel sorry for ourselves; the past is in the past, you  can't change it, but you can change the future!
If you need to let it out, let it out, but if you're going to flood the Pacific Ocean, let it out by building an arch.

5. Recover For Your Public Debut 

Don't you want to go out again? Whether it's with friends, family, or even a trip to the grocery store ? I know a woman, a dear friend of mine, who to this day can't go into a grocery store without having an anxiety attack over lemonade - her story is very different though!  Don't you want to be able to buy outfit and not compare yourself to anyone or anything?

Recover because staying in bed all day isn't helping you. Who is it helping? Your disorder, that's who. And let me tell ya, it may not be the next outing or the following trip out, but strive to be at the point where your disorder is NOT invited out with you. You're an independent who don't need nobody!

6. Recover For The Future

Ever wanted to go to a different part of the world? Want children or expand on the family your have? Or even take your family someplace nice? Have you ever desired to try something new, whether it's an art class or sky diving? Recover because life is too short! There's a whole world out there, there's still lots of time. Yesterday passed, and so did the day before that, don't let another one slip away.

It is time NOW to fulfill your purpose and life and create a grand future, but you can't do that without taking the first step in improving yourself and well being.

7. Recover For Yourself

Recovery is hard , we can't distract ourselves from everyday triggers. We cannot ignore the food that's around us, or other peoples words and/or actions. Although we may feel like a burden at times, I know I have the guilty feeling of being helpless, especially when I was in the hospital and my dad would come everyday from work to visit. We are not burdens though, we did not ask to be born with a mental disease. I'm sorry for those who feel sensitive around those words, "Mental Disease/Illness", but it's true. Addicts and patients have a chemical mix up in the brain, it's OK, don't freak out. Everyone is born differently. We want to recover for our friends, family, significant other.... but we NEED to recover for ourselves.

Some people recover for their parents, but are never fully happy with themselves, although they are medically recovered, they are not mentally. Get to the point where you can both physically and mentally be at a healthy point, where your thoughts aren't constantly lingering around food or numbers. Focus on health, focus on your love, focus on your passion. Make recovery your passion if you must. 

No one can recover for you, you have to recover for yourself! 

Hope this helped and keep fighting!

-Lindsey Coye